"So We Beat On, Boats Against The Current"

Yes, It's been a while since a new posting. My life and desk have always been in a state of disarray, but the added turmoil of my father's death- a concept I still can't quite grasp-has brought the usual chaos up to a new level. Yet in other ways life does go on if not as normal, but close to it. Spring and summer came. Everyone in the family still gets up, eats and sleeps. All the TV judge and dance shows that he loved to watch are still on at the same time. And Home Depot is still in business, despite a dip in sales at the store on Shady Grove Road.

But other things are very different. The county dump is still there, but my mother has hired a trash man for the first time in forty years. (Dad fell out with the last crew.) She is still living in the house, but she and my brother and sister got a bad case of the heaves-which in this case is an incurable urge to remove clutter. The basement work shop where Dad stored every toilet, toaster, stereo and telephone to pass his way - not to mention a frighteningly large inventory of screws, nails, electric cords, paint cans, plumbing, electric shavers and more has been cleaned out. (With all that new space, I thought we could at least set up the old ping pong table, but inexplicably only half of it seems to be in residence.) On the lighter side Mom was finally able to replace the aging dishwasher and refrigerator that Dad never failed to "fix"- at least just enough to put off buying a new one.

The beach house still stands, but the regular long weekends don't happen anymore. Instead Pat and Mom and Roger have become The Three Beachketeers- each leaning on the other as Roger is the only one who likes to drive; Pat likes to organize; and of course Mom does the cooking when they are not going out to eat. The beach place has also been de-clutterated; the neighbors were treated to the sight of all sorts of things being flung off of the deck. The garage was emptied of forty years worth of beach combed lumber. Besides the glaring absence of Father- the landscape literally has been radically changed. A man made protective dune was installed over the winter, and the ocean now seems a half a mile away. It's good to know that Dad approved this change even though he never got to see it.

I think we all try and avoid thinking about that big hole George P. Cokinos left here on Earth because it is still just too painful to realize life without him. But little things can sneak up and hit hard. It suddenly occurs me that I need to stop using the word parents - the singular parent doesn't usually work-as in my parent's beach house. Or I am in my car cresting the hill on Wisconsin Avenue in Tenleytown, and I start to cry as I remember how often my father drove this same route and saw the same view of the Cathedral. I am grateful when a day goes by, and I actually don't cry. F. Scott Fitzgerald put it best I think in his last line of The Great Gatsby:

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

I know as time goes on there will be fewer sad days and more days spent telling funny stories. At least he left us with a boat load of those.

Recipe

From Billie Stathes Wills

I was devastated upon hearing the news about Cokie. I was so looking forward to their visit after the cruise.
My dearest oldest and best friend. Where do I begin? I was five and he was six when we met. I remember it well. I and several other children were waiting in an anteroom for our mothers who were in a Filoptohos meeting. Cokie was in charge of keeping us quiet. Instead this blue eyed blond little boy was entertaining us with his magical fingers- making little designs and flipping them around. He was such a cute little boy. He had us in an uproar.

And so it was for the rest of his memorable life. There was always a smile, always a quip, always a help, always fun. Never was there anger nor worry. Cokie always had a solution or an answer to another's problem. It was uncanny-ESP. He was there when needed without being asked.

Cokie loved his family and friends. He adored and was devoted to Bebe, his wife of seventy odd years. He was always thinking of ways to surprise her and make her happy.

He also loved automobiles. He always had the flashiest and the best. He treated the cars as off springs!

Cokie was loyal, dependable and trustworthy. Wherever he may be now, he is spreading joy.

I have lost my truest friend.

We will all miss him.

From Jorge Alfaro

Papou was like a grandfather to me as well as my God Father, and without a doubt I can say he was a great role model while I was growing up and an excellent father figure. Aside from the discipline and responsibility that he instilled in me as a kid, I can remember fondly his endless humor and compassion towards family and friends.

I remember how he was able to entertain my friends at home or at the beach house, especially during breakfast and dinner. They would always get a laugh at his antics with food or his jokes.

Anyone who met Papou would usually walk away with a smile (an unsuspecting waitress at Jimmy’s) and be amazed at his enthusiasm for life even at his age (Diann & Wayne Short at Short Brothers Market).

So many memories of him-like the early Saturday bike rides to the donut shop in Bethany, for of course, the jelly filled or éclair donuts. Plus who can forget the proclaimed, “most famous hot cakes on the Eastern Shore”?

I can also remember us on the tractor early in the morning during winter, and the hot Cocoa that he prepared to get us warm, as well as our autumn afternoons in the yard raking leaves or cutting wood.

Luckily my wife and in-laws had the opportunity to enjoy Papou. One of the recent memories I will be able to cherish is Papou along with Mama Bebe and Aunt Patsy being at my wedding in Guatemala. Something I will remember for as long as I will live.

I guess I can understand now that life should be enjoyed to the fullest, and the more our happiness is shared with others the better off we are.

Papou always was the perfect example of that old adage of “try, try again” since he would never be defeated by an electrical or plumbing problem. He would always find a way to fix things around the house even if it seemed impossible. Now I realize that he showed me- in his own way- that life is not always easy or perfect, and that I have to get my elbows dirty once in a while to get things accomplished.

Papou will forever have a special place in my heart and memory not only for taking me under his wing and allowing me to be like a grandson to him but for the unconditional love he demonstrated.

This picture happened when my in-laws were in Potomac last year, and my mother in law took her plate away so Papou could not put more food on it. Suddenly he took out this normal looking fork and started extending it. It was a blast!!

From Marthann Cibel Secrist

The Cokinos family and the Cibel family became 'one' when Patsy & my brother, Anthony (Tony) got married on June 27th, 1959. We all came to love and adore Patsy. George & Bebe were an added bonus. I got to know them while Anthony & Patsy were living in Rockville and even better after they moved to Bethesda.

I consider Patsy my second sister. As for George, he was one of the nicest people I've ever known. After I lost my Dad, George told me he knew no one could ever take his place but he volunteered to do whatever he could - if I ever needed him. A true gentleman - always stood up when a female entered the room.

His humor was a bit on the kookie side - Phil & I were at the beach house with them & Patsy one summer years ago. The first morning we gathered for breakfast and what a breakfast! In front of George was a plate piled high with an amazing assortment of donuts. George picked up each and every one while licking and saying "I want them all, and this is the only way I can keep anyone else from eating them!"

He loved his home in Potomac and any given weekend you could find him outside chopping, cleaning up brush, or riding on one of his motorized 'farm' vehicles. He took pride in his homes. He could fix anything! Always puttering, painting, fixing this or that.

He had the most wonderful sense of family of almost any man I've ever known. They were always first in his thoughts and actions. Bebe was his life-long love. They were best friends as well . Whenever I was in any of their homes they made me feel as though I "belonged" there.

George lived life to the fullest. He was doing just what he wanted when he was so critically injured : with Bebe and Patsy - on the sea -tanned and looking about 30 years younger that he was.

He will be remembered by all of us as a wonderful, loving man - for a very, very long time.

From Pat Cibel

A Few of My Thoughts About Dad

There were the phone calls that would come out of the blue:

"Pat, would you do me a BIG favor....Please break it to your mother that I have

invited a few neighbors in for dinner."

Our many chats around the pool at Sunrise Condo were so revealing about his struggles through out life or successes and failures in business, and how proud he was of his Greek heritage. He had an ability to put things into perspective-to mend fences and to let go of past transgressions.

How will I ever be able to buy another car without him?

How lucky we all were to have him for so long. The legacy he leaves with his 11 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren will live on. His hard work ethics, his honesty,his kindness and love of family was instilled in all of us from the oldest to the youngest.

My last fun thought of Dad was on the ill fated cruise ship. We were enjoying our favorite Latin band when he said, "Let's practice the Cha-Cha." We went to a spot nearby and did our thing until he said, "I've got it now."

He never really lost it.

I will miss our times together.

I will miss his kindness, his generosity and most of all, his unspoken love which

I felt every day of my life.

Dad- you were indeed special. You made my world a better place.

Thanks for a lifetime of memories.

From Chryssa Cokinos Halley

Everyone in my grandfather’s life was part of his family and nothing was more important to my grandfather than family. However, my Grandfather had a special place in his heart for the grandkids. He had unlimited amounts of love for us. It wasn’t the kind of love that we could do no wrong. He wanted to teach us how to act and what was important in life. He did a lot of this teaching by telling us how to behave and what to do. My grandfather always had an answer for every question. However, he taught us more by the way he acted and the way he lived, when he thought we weren’t looking…

• When he thought we weren’t looking, he was calling on Christmas and pretending to be Santa and telling us stories while we sat in his lap in his favorite chair and we learned that little things are special things.

• When he thought we weren’t looking, he was playing football or paddleball with us at the beach or at home and we learned it was important to have fun also

• When he thought we weren’t looking, he had a daily flag hanging ceremony and we learned the importance of country

• When he thought we weren’t looking he took us for walks at the beach and we learned the importance of nature and good health

• When he thought we weren’t looking, he stole our food from our plates and we learned to eat with our elbows up

• When he thought we weren’t looking, he was telling my date to have me home 9 from the lifeguard ball and I learned that he cared

• When he thought we weren’t looking, we saw him be kind to a stranger and ask them to breakfast (my grandmother was always thrilled to have one more) and we learned to be kind to other people

• When he thought we weren’t looking, we saw him shining the wheels on the car, cleaning the deck or painting something and we learned it was important to take care of our belongings

• When he thought we weren’t looking, we saw him haggle over the price of a Christmas tree or a car and we learned the importance of money

• When he thought we weren’t looking, we saw him conducting business at a restaurant or bar and we learned that being in business took hard work

• When he thought we weren’t looking, we looked and wanted to say thanks for all the things we saw when he thought we weren’t looking

My grandfather was a special man, as everybody here knows, but for his having lived he made all of our lives better. I think I can speak for all of the grandkids and say I wanted to grow up and be just like my grandfather. I can only hope that I have made him proud.

From Maureen, our beach neighbor

photo by laric beckman

We used to check tentatively every spring for the arrival of your mom and dad to their beach house just in case something happened health wise to either of them over the winter months. But these last few years we began to take their return for granted. We will miss your dad terribly. Shadi and I have always felt we were treated like prized friends by your dad and relished in his passion for life, family, friends...and his ocean.


Shadi And I were deeply saddened to hear about George. We have come to expect that annual rite of passage to summer when we arrive at the beach house for the first time of the season to find you and George waving us over for happy hour-plus seeing all of the deck flags being raised.
(I'll never forget the time that the Greek flag was accidentally upside down, and Patsy said none of you wanted to tell to George.)

Words can not describe what you and George mean to us. We sincerely share your loss. In Shadi's words: George was one class act!

We will treasure every moment spent with him and look forward to keeping our collective memories of him alive in all our future gatherings.

From Michelle and Steve (cruise friends)

George was a great man who had the ability to make a positive impact on people in a very short time as he did with Michelle and I. That being said he touched and will be missed by more people than I can possibly imagine. Heaven is getting a great one.

While Michelle and I knew George for a very short time, we cherished that time. I have told the story several times about the great man from Greece that we met on our cruise. Every night on the cruise, we looked forward to seeing dapper George in the Concierge Room for what was sure to be great stories and laughs. We never once made a show on that cruise as we enjoyed George and his family more than any show could have provided.

Today we are grateful we had that time.
.

From Keagan Hall (grandson)

Keagan, now seven, never stops cutting up.
He knows he's the class clown, and his self imposed mission in life is to make people smile. I asked him... where do you get this from? Who - besides yourself- is the funniest person in our family?

Of course he said Papou.

From George A. Cokinos

George not only was my first cousin, he was also my godfather, my best man, and my daughter, Stephanie's godfather. But more than that, for me, he was the patriarch of our family, a role model, a mentor and a very dear friend. For years, Mary and I went to him often for advice on real estate, finance and other matters. He never turned us away. He gave of himself freely. He was someone I trusted completely. He never forgot me. Every year on my birthday George brought me a gift- even through my teen age years. And for a kid who grew up in the ghetto, this was a big deal. Something I will always cherish.
Above all, George believed in strong family ties. He was the patriarch of the family and kept us all together. He believed in the Greek culture that family is number one. He kept the traditions going right up to the end. George had what we Greeks call filotemo- the love and respect for family. He enjoyed having company whether it was at his home in Potomac or at the beach. When George heard that my wife, Mary's aunt was terminally ill, and that she was upset over this he phoned her and invited her to come to Florida and visit him this winter. That's the kind of person he was. When my father died, I was thirteen, and George was right there to support me and give me strength. He often visited our relatives in Greece, and they fought over him- which house he and Bebe were going to stay. George had to placate all of them in a diplomatic way. George Charles said my mother in law was a national treasure, and in my opinion, George, too, was a national treasure. He will be in my heart forever.

From Lisa Day Hopper (childhood friend of mine)

I wish I could have remembered your father's jokes
to write about; all I see is his elf face telling them and chuckling
away!


The last time I saw George Cokinos, he was swinging in the hammock in
his backyard. As always, he made you feel good just to be around him—
kidding around with the children, telling jokes, giving them “jobs”,
and generally helping everyone have FUN. I know he must have had his
share of sadness sometime, but I sure never saw it. Before I left
that day, he jumped up and got out his tractor lawn mower to give
William and Keagan a ride, and I remember marveling that he had
ridden me around the same way probably almost forty years before,
stepping on the gas, and pretending to almost tip over. His energy,
enthusiasm, and optimism were contagious, and you always felt that
nothing terrible could happen when he was around, or if it did, it
wouldn’t be so bad in the end.
You also cannot think of George Cokinos without thinking of the
beach. It was his habitat. When we went to visit him there about
fourteen years ago, I remember how much he reminisced about the long
ago days when he and his wife and two babies would go down to the
beach for the day and picnic there, and how those were the happiest
times for him. I always remembered this, since I know now how much
those first years mean to me as well—of love and babies, and, even if
you are poor, feeling rich in family. This feeling of newness and
wonder at the sheer blessedness of life never seemed to leave George
Cokinos. Even in his death, he was living well, and now that he is
gone, he leaves behind children, grandchildren, family, and friends,
and even friends of children like me, who are lucky to have known him.

From Amanda Cokinos (grand daughter)

My favorite memories of my Papou usually involve sandcrabs, salt water, and the beloved beach house in Bethany Beach. When we were little, he would amaze us and our beach friends by "swallowing" the sand crabs he plucked out of the sand as we all watched wide eyed in amazement. As my grandmother says, "Your grandfather lived to embarass his grandchildren." So as we got older the fun times would continue with a teenaged granddaughter and an unsuspecting male lifeguard. I bet the lifeguards did not know what was awaiting them when they talked to one of the Cokinos granddaughters. My own story involved me and my friend Paige when we were 15 years old. I guess Papou caught us checking out the lifeguards with the binoculars from the deck as they did their morning jog down the beach. Later that day as we were playing in the ocean... Papou comes up to us and grabs each one of us by the wrist and starts marching down the beach towards the lifeguard stand. We laughed and tried to wiggle free, but that man had the strongest grip we had ever seen! We arrive to the lifeguard and he confidently yells up, "Lifeguard?! If these girls drowned would you save them?" The lifeguard looked a little confused and mumbled out some sort of yes because it was his job. Papou nodded in agreement and said, "Good, because these girls are lusting after you!" With that he turned around and walked back to his chair to resume his sunbathing. We stood there stunned and eventually walked back to our house very quickly with our heads staring at our feet, and spent the rest of the day inside hiding from the lifeguards. There are other lifeguard stories like when Papou interrogated a lifeguard who was taking cousin Chryssa to the lifeguard ball and told her to have her home by 9pm as he poked him with a rolled up newspaper. Or for my sister Alyssa, he managed to get a lifeguard up the stairs and into the living room to meet his granddaughter, and who knows how he managed that! Looking back these memories are some of the best we have, we may have been embarrassed at the time but Papou was always after a good laugh from us and usually managed to do so!

From Laric Beckman

Hello, Friends and Family of George Cokinos ~

I first met George and Bebe in 1968, when I was 12 years old. 1968 is the year that they ~ together with Ray and Irene Stone ~ built twin oceanfront houses on North 1^st Street, South Bethany, Delaware ~ the same street that my family had a beach house since 1962. (How lucky could I have been? First things first, the Stone’s son Stacey and I began learning to surf in 1969, a sport I continue to thrive on till this day.)

What struck me about George was that for him, life was fun. At 12 years old, I had never seen that in adults before. My earliest memory of George was honoring his invitation to Stacey and me to pop over for a pancake breakfast. Once seated at his dining room table, George began cooking flapjacks; as they became ready, he flung them like Frisbees at our plates. Some landed on our plates; some landed near our plates; some hit the nearby curtains and landed on the floor; some merely hit the floor. It didn’t matter. Life was fun.

Everyone knows how strong George was. He SQUASHED Stacey and me during our adolescent years. “The Claw;” “The Dutch Rub;” “The ~ ‘the shovel only missed my toes by a ¼ inch!!!’” Etc. Well, the years passed; Stacey and I were 15 and 16; we were feeling strong ourselves. Once, during the summer of 1971, I spied George from the Stone’s deck, reading a magazine in a beach chair down on the beach. “Look how vulnerable he is; LET’S GET HIM!!”

Stacey and I snuck down behind him and threw him out of his chair. Stacey and I jumped overtop of him; we met eyes and knew we were in control; for a second, there was no doubt. WE HAD HIM! However, within an instant, my face was smashed in the sand; only my left eye could see Stacey’s legs flailing uselessly in the air. It was reversed; both of us had been pummeled. That was the last time I ever physically messed with George.

I’ll close with George’s favorite story about me. One day in the summer of 2004, I saw George down by the ocean, entertaining some six or seven-year old kids. As I approached, I realized that he was explaining “sand crabs” to the youngsters. He had a large sand crab in his hand. George asked the kids, “Do you want to see something funny?” My arrival had been fairly sudden; George simply looked at me and commanded: “Open Wide!” Without thinking, I opened my mouth wide; and George threw that sand crab into my mouth as if it were a grape. I pretended to chew, and I fooled those kids; they thought I ate that sucker.

Papou never stopped describing his enjoyment of that moment….

All the best to everyone

From Sally Harris Gass (childhood friend)

As far as writing a story about your Dad, I really can't pick one anecdote because they all run together under one heading, "Life is Good!" He was always the gracious host, concerned father, interested-in-you observer. I can remember that slapping hands game which he always won...I was never fast enough. He rarely sat down but when he did, it was in HIS chair in the den. The tractor, the trailer, the leaves...50+ years in Potomac and there was always a kid getting a ride, being pulled, enjoying the moment. Last summer when I saw him, he said at 90, "I work 5 minutes and then sit 15 minutes." And all I could say was, "That's awesome." He loved his cars, always bought them in Delaware to save sales tax( and Papou on the license plate). The past 25 years I only saw him intermittently, but was always welcomed with a hug and huge grin.

Am not as articulate as some of the people writing on the blog page, but they captured him completely with the Emerson quote!

xoxoxo

From Karen Thomas

I awoke from sleep a moment ago with an epiphany: George P. Cokinos exemplifies “a life well-lived” -- a straight-forward phrase representing a profound endeavor that is a major conundrum for the majority of the humans. However, George did it triumphantly.

Forty-one years ago I met Pat Cibel and through Pat became acquainted with her parents George P. and Bebe, sister Lynda, and brothers Roger and Peter and eventually others members of their family.

Throughout the years, I was present at family events enabling me to gain a sense of George. I gleaned additional insight when Patsy, Roger, my sister Romelie, and nieces Amanda and Alyssa shared their wonderfully memorable anecdotes and experiences with and about George.

George’s legacy: perseverance, focused tenacity, superlative “sense of family”, appreciation and adherence to traditions, engaged daily in purposeful activity and work, a rich sense of humor and last but not least his “joie de vivre”-- buoyant enjoyment of life throughout!

The following quote from the great American essayist, philosopher, and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson’s surely and perfectly speaks of George: "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

From Mary Teresa Goener

Don't know if you remember me - Mary Teresa (Dale and Mary Warren's niece).

I just finished reading through your blog (your picture looks like you haven't aged since 16). What a great man your Dad was, I'm sorry for your loss. My Dad (Wayne Brizendine) let my sisters and I know about the sad news the other day and I can't help thinking about how much fun your parents were to be around.

I remember your Dad chasing down us kids to force feed us rumballs one Christmas and all the wonderful appetizers your Mom always made. The marches on the beach were always terrific fun. I think George was the oldest kid I ever knew.

Know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Papou by Murphy Donovan

This is from my neighbor, Murphy:

12 February 08. The ancient Greeks called excellence arete. They believed that the ideal man cultivated mind, body and civic duty. From this trinity came our words for symposium, gymnasium and agora. Indeed, the agora was literally the market place for ideas, the original public space for debate. In the agora, Pericles famously reminded the citizens of Athens that only good men make good families. Those families in turn made an excellent state possible. After 2500 years, I could still see those qualities in George Cokinos; agile of mind, fit with a full head of hair and proud to be Greek and American. He had a foot firmly planted in the best of both worlds.

The independent, if not rebellious side of George, was quintessentially American. Back in the day, it was not wise nor prudent to defy the wishes of your parents, surely not immigrant Greek parents. Yet, George did so to marry Bebe, the girl he knew to be the love of his life. This my favorite of all the stories he loved to tell. George believed in himself and he believed in his Bebe.

Last summer at the beach we sat up late into the night listening to and watching a tribute to Pavarotti. When the music faded we spoke of regret and trust, those two most important human emotions. We agreed that without regret no progress or improvement was possible. George spoke eloquently of making lemonade out of lemons, turning business failures into learning experiences. Those were tough schools, yet he believed none were better. He also spoke of days when a handshake was a bond. He understood that without trust no relationship was possible - not friendship, not love, not marriage, not business and certainly not government.

I teased George that night about his maverick side and pointed out that he didn't seem to appreciate that same quality in his children. He laughed and said that not everybody likes lemonade.
When I asked him the secret to a marriage that lasted more than half a century, he had a one word answer; Bebe. He said that his wife made him a better man.

I also loved to hear him tell of his estrangement and then reconciliation with his parents. He was famously proud of his parents who went from candy makers, to restaurant owners, to real estate developers. They lived the American dream in one generation. George was proud that his mom fed the men who built the National Cathedral.

I started in a bit of a hole myself in that Bronx orphanage. So I felt a kinship with George when he spoke of the bumps in the road. He and I thrived in that same school of hard knocks. Failure was not an option. As a young Air Force officer, I remember being part of a study where the brass was trying to quantify the qualities that made good officers, good pilots. In the end we concluded that the "right stuff'" couldn't be quantified. You either had it or you didn't. George had the right stuff!

These and any other words will be small consolation to Bebe for a lifetime of memories. Yet, I am happy that George died with his boots on. He didn't end his life in some dreary place for the infirm. He went out doing something he loved with someone he loved. We should all be so lucky.

In his most famous funeral oration, Pericles also said that the only thing we mortals really leave behind is our place in the hearts of others. Indeed. It was an honor for Annabell and I to know George Cokinos and it was always a pleasure to see how much he loved his wife. Bebe and all of her family are in our hearts and our prayers.

From Karen Thomas who came to our family as a mother's helper to my sister many moons ago:


To the beloved family of George P. Cokinos: when I heard about the death of your beloved husband, father, grandfather (and many other titles for the many other roles he represented in so many lives), I felt as though I had been struck in my stomach and that feeling of not being able to catch my breath. I am saddened, sickened and sorrowful to know this extraordinary human being has passed on. George was a beautiful man -- a man possessed of stellar character -- a man who was bigger than life, an icon. George had the rare gift of acknowledging everyone present at any gathering or event he was a participant. What a memorable, compelling personality -- he was always so kind, nice and warm to me -- I celebrate that I had the privilege to know George P. Cokinos.

With heartfelt sympathy, I remain yours affectionately, Karen Thomas