Papou by Murphy Donovan

This is from my neighbor, Murphy:

12 February 08. The ancient Greeks called excellence arete. They believed that the ideal man cultivated mind, body and civic duty. From this trinity came our words for symposium, gymnasium and agora. Indeed, the agora was literally the market place for ideas, the original public space for debate. In the agora, Pericles famously reminded the citizens of Athens that only good men make good families. Those families in turn made an excellent state possible. After 2500 years, I could still see those qualities in George Cokinos; agile of mind, fit with a full head of hair and proud to be Greek and American. He had a foot firmly planted in the best of both worlds.

The independent, if not rebellious side of George, was quintessentially American. Back in the day, it was not wise nor prudent to defy the wishes of your parents, surely not immigrant Greek parents. Yet, George did so to marry Bebe, the girl he knew to be the love of his life. This my favorite of all the stories he loved to tell. George believed in himself and he believed in his Bebe.

Last summer at the beach we sat up late into the night listening to and watching a tribute to Pavarotti. When the music faded we spoke of regret and trust, those two most important human emotions. We agreed that without regret no progress or improvement was possible. George spoke eloquently of making lemonade out of lemons, turning business failures into learning experiences. Those were tough schools, yet he believed none were better. He also spoke of days when a handshake was a bond. He understood that without trust no relationship was possible - not friendship, not love, not marriage, not business and certainly not government.

I teased George that night about his maverick side and pointed out that he didn't seem to appreciate that same quality in his children. He laughed and said that not everybody likes lemonade.
When I asked him the secret to a marriage that lasted more than half a century, he had a one word answer; Bebe. He said that his wife made him a better man.

I also loved to hear him tell of his estrangement and then reconciliation with his parents. He was famously proud of his parents who went from candy makers, to restaurant owners, to real estate developers. They lived the American dream in one generation. George was proud that his mom fed the men who built the National Cathedral.

I started in a bit of a hole myself in that Bronx orphanage. So I felt a kinship with George when he spoke of the bumps in the road. He and I thrived in that same school of hard knocks. Failure was not an option. As a young Air Force officer, I remember being part of a study where the brass was trying to quantify the qualities that made good officers, good pilots. In the end we concluded that the "right stuff'" couldn't be quantified. You either had it or you didn't. George had the right stuff!

These and any other words will be small consolation to Bebe for a lifetime of memories. Yet, I am happy that George died with his boots on. He didn't end his life in some dreary place for the infirm. He went out doing something he loved with someone he loved. We should all be so lucky.

In his most famous funeral oration, Pericles also said that the only thing we mortals really leave behind is our place in the hearts of others. Indeed. It was an honor for Annabell and I to know George Cokinos and it was always a pleasure to see how much he loved his wife. Bebe and all of her family are in our hearts and our prayers.